Epiphany

For the past several weeks...probably months...I've been struggling with finding ambition to seek God. I knew that I should want God, and seek Him with everything I have. But I wasn't feeling it. At all. That frustrated me so much I spent many nights hoping and praying for that feeling you have when you follow God. That closeness and adoration of His awesome power. But I did not have it.

And last night, I had an epiphany. I don't really know what made it happen. I was sitting on my bed, waiting for my friend Kai to text me after he got out of show choir camp. It hit me that I was more excited about getting a text then about opening God's word. And my life shouldn't be like that.

I learned at camp that my life should be devoted to God. My every breath comes because God allows me to breathe. It is not fair for me to spend all day excited about a boy texting me but then put off my quiet time because I did not feel like doing it.

Every girl or boy or even adults can struggle with this. I struggle with this so often and I know I can't be the only one. I may love to talk to Kai or Davey or Logan or Ellie or Abby or my mom. But I can't love talking to them more then I love talking to God. God saved my life! He allows me to go to heaven and not to hell. He is the reason I'm alive.

And as I sat there on my bed, shocked at how utterly selfish I was, I texted my friend for help. Elizabeth, my counselor from camp. I texted her this message: "I want to make God the focus of me life. I want to. So badly. But I can't and I don't know how to fix it. Can you help me in anyway?"

I kid you not, the second I sent the text it was life a weight was lifted off my shoulders. I realized something. God just wants me to try! I wasn't trying before! I may have thought I was trying, but I wasn't. The reason my heart wasn't in it was because...it wasn't! I hadn't taken that first step and asked for help. I had begged God for a closeness that I really didn't want. I just knew I needed it. So I asked for it.

But then, after I asked for help from Elizabeth, I knew that I wanted it more than anything. Because feeling far away from God isn't something I wanted to feel. God is so much more important than boys, friends, reading, work, food, sleep, or anything you can come up with! I had been unwilling to take that first step until I realized that I was so attached to things of this world.

So I'm planning on turning over a new leaf if I can. I'm trying to read through the entire New Testament at the moment. It's not even close to the size of a Harry Potter book and I was going to try to re-read the last book before Friday morning. So why not read the Bible? Because we think its boring? Its not!

So...that's what I'm trying to do. I'll post updates hopefully.

Thank you for reading. If you did. I hope that this can help you like it helped me. Just remember. Stay strong. Stay safe. Stay with God. :)

Until Canadians stop saying "eh",

Adeline Taylor