Just Believe



Goodness I don't know what's been going on. Well I do, but it's been a pretty confusing few weeks. I wish I could figure it out and make a map out in my brain so everything lines up. But my brain never really worked that way.

I fight to control some aspect of my life. Just so I know I can handle something in my life. I know that's unbiblical. I know that God is supposed to control every part of our lives. But life has been so hectic and I long for just one piece of solid ground to stand on. I feel like I'm teetering on the edge of a cliff and I can't see any way to stop the fall.

Because no one seems to be here to grab me and pull me back.

My mom may have cancer. She's at a doctors appointment right now where they are going to examine the three tumors and see if their cancerous. The doctors are also going to tell us what they want to do with it. When they want to get them out and stuff. So operations. Yay.

I've learned a lot these past few weeks. I've learned a little about how the world works, how people act, how God works, and a lot about myself.

See, God works in mysterious ways. We all know that, obviously, or we'd be able to figure out what was going on real quickly. I could look at my mom's health and say, "Oh look! Those three tumors are going be show me a thing or two about how the world works and change our lives forever. God is going to use it in >insert some amazing area of life< and allow us to >insert amazing thing< through all the crap! I understand now!"

Unfortunately, God works in mysterious ways. Ha.

But I've survived thus far. I know something will happen. I don't know what. But it'll work out. God works like that.

I mean, I'm not saying I'll understand what happens. But it'll happen and I'm a good soldier. I can take it. I can endure. I hope...

I think I'm writing this to reassure myself and it's not working. Ha ha. I'm hilarious.

Pray for my mom though please. Everything helps. She gets back from her tests later this afternoon. So I'm here, unusually peaceful actually. God sure is amazing.

I'll check back in with an update later.


PS

Wow it seems like I started out whining and by the end it all changed to something else. That's really strange but, weirdly enough, happens whenever I write out my problems. I start out really sad and dreary and then get actually sort of happy towards the end. I'm an optimist. What can I say?